NEW LOCATION

so i am on tumblr WAY WAY WAY more than i'm on here and i'm hoping that i update more by moving my blog...
sooooo with that being said

http://steffaniestegosaurus.tumblr.com/

go there thats's where i'll be updating more:)

it's... well it's been a while

it's been forever since i blogged last... i feel soooo behind... but i find it hard to blog when i have nothing to say.. yeah i know since when do I have nothing to say...

i have been tumbling A LOT! like crazy!!! it's my new obsession! i love reblogging and what not!
photosteff.tumblr.com 

i have been very confused on this boy situation lately.. it's so confusing like one day well be talking and i have that stupid tingly feeling... then another day we'll be talking and i get real annoyed really easy and idk maybe it's just me...

my computer is going crazy again... i'm going an intensive scan right now hopefully it'll clean up whatever nonsense thats going on....

anddd idk how i feel about living here... i feel like i'm wasteing my life and my time here... how is it benifiting me?
but at the same time i can't imagine not being able to see my mom everyday!!!

I HATE GROWING UP!!!

Love... why is it so hard...

It’s amazing how the right person can be in front of you but you don’t realize it because you’re too caught up in someone else.......

i'm scared ok... i'm scared to tell you how i feel.. i'm scared i'm jumping to conclusions... i'm scared i'll mess everything up... i'm scared.


 I’m terrified to get too close to you because I don’t want to get my heart broken. I’m afraid that if we take this further I’m just going to get hurt and to be honest, I don’t think I could take that.... 


sometimes i just want to stand up  and scream and confess to you, but there is something inside of me that stops me.. something makeing me doubt myself.... and i came soooooo close to telling you toight... why did i stop i have no idea i had it all typed out and then hit delete..

why i think i may love you...

you believe in me when no one else does…

you actually think I’m pretty…

your the only one who has ever said I’m a sweet girl…

your not the type of boy i usually like…

you listen to me even when i’m complaining and whiney… and i need that…

we are completely different in a similar sort of way…

your adorable…

you bring out the bad in me…. but i think i like it…

your awkward… but so am i…

your remember the littlest things about me..it makes me feel special…

i am sad when i’m not talking with you…

we both love dinos:)

i feel like if i wanted to i could tell you everything…..

why haven’t i told you all this?? cause it’s hard, my heart has made so many stupid decisions that i can’t trust it….. but i hope it’s making the right one now…

sorrrrrryyyyy

ok so sorry it's been so long... i would like to say i haven been busy but well i haven't i have just been tumblring a lot.... i know thats no excuse... i haven't been doing much... just working.... i know lame...

*sigh*

you know that moment you start likeing someone, and you get scared so you want to put on the breaks on your heart but can't???? does that even make since??? well whatever it's happening... and i want it to stop...

idk whatever happens i know i'll do something to screw it up... and i don't want to loose this... i don't want to loose him.... really i just want to be happy.... but i'm afraid to be in love...


i want some chocolate crinkle cookes and a glass of milk.... both of witch we do not have :(

i LOVE this show

have you guys seen the middle? it's on wednesday nights i LOVE LOVE LOVE it.....


"Mom…Dad…If things go south today, I just want you to know my personal effects are in the peanut can under my bed." - Brick Heck
"This is so not fair. When I turn 30, I am so outta here." - Axl Heck
"I don't have any study skills and those are very hard skills to learn at my age. My brain's already formed. Maybe if you had raised me better..." - Axl Heck
"Why do we gotta go looking for trouble? I'm pretty sure it knows our address." - Mike Heck
"There's not much you can't accomplish in this town with a case of beer and a wheel of cheese." - Mike Heck
"God doesn't get involved in sports 'cause if he did, the Colts would have won the Super Bowl last year." - Mike Heck
"Right. That's my problem. I'm not organized. I happen to have a pocketful of Post-its that says otherwise." - Frankie Heck
"You're getting a physical. End of story. I don't need you dying early and sticking me with the kids." - Frankie Heck
"I can't handle a love triangle. I'm not a Kardashian." - Sue Heck

friends trains and automobiles:)

so i am fastly learning that planning vacations are a lot of work.... and are expensive, but should be worth it

planning on leavg Ohio for Chicago on June 24th the same dai come back from SITS... and then returning from Chicago June 27th...

things we plan on doing.. mideval times, a trolly tour, sky tower, and a pizza tour
 there are also several free thingsto do and besides mideval times and the pizza tour we plan to eat cheap....
staying at: hopefully the Hard Rock Hotel, we would have guarenteed parking and it is in a good location...

what car are we taking? not sure yet we haven't decided yet... my car gets good gas mileage and is small so it'll be easy to drive in the city... but whatever we decide as a group...


estimated cost per person... like $500 which is a rough guestimation...

and now i will godo some more research.... but will leave you with some lovely pictures of chicago:)
ps. of anyone wants to pay me to do anything let me know... cause chicago is ecxpensive and second jobs are hard to find...

ok i'll just leave you with one becaue it'll only upload one...

quotes pictures and things...

I hope you’re doing fine out there without me… ‘cause I’m not doing so great without you

You’re that guy that no matter how many more guys I go through, I’ll always have a thing for you

Sometimes, someone comes into your life that changes everything. They’re able to make you smile, laugh, and allow you to be yourself. There’s something about them that is unexplainable; and even though you’re not even with them, you don’t want to let that person go

It’s amazing how the right person can be in front of you but you don’t realize it because you’re too caught up in someone else.

I can say I made a lot of mistakes, but I don’t regret things. Because at least I didn’t spend a life standing outside, wondering what living would be like.

  My feelings for you is like a boomerang. Whenever I try to get rid of it by throwing it all away, it constantly finds away to come back.

Sometimes friends turn into strangers… don’t let that happen if you really love that person.
  — Angela Simmons

I’m taking one of those quiet moments where I weigh your good qualities against your bad ones and decide if you’re actually worth the trouble.
  — Scrubs

You said that you hated seeing me hurt… so all those times that you hurt me, did you close your eyes?

I hope you’re doing fine out there without me… ‘cause I’m not doing so great without you.

Maybe were friends, maybe were more, maybe it’s just my imagination. But I see you stare just a little too long, and it makes me start to wonder… So baby, call me crazy but I think you feel it too.
  — Jordin Sparks

Oy Vey!

did you know planning a birthday  trip to Chicago is very confusing!?!?!? especially when you don't know if anyone is going with you???*note to self ask leann and edythe*

so i have it al planned out, like where we would stay and hw we would get there i just don't know... but what i do know is 1. i wanna stay at the Hard Rock hotel because the rooms are sweet, 2. i want someone fun to go with me, 3. we would stay 3 nights...

however the hotel is HELLA expensive like depending on who goes like $300 a night... but i was thinking of only staying there one night like thr first night then finding a MUCH cheaper hotel somewhere else.. because i only plan on staying in the actual room just the first night...  but you only turn 21 once right!??!!?

so anywhoo if anyone wants to go let me know... i'm trying to plan now so i ahve enough money and stuff :)

how i'm feeling

this says everything i'm feeling



Close to you, so far away,A rented room, an empty space,Sirens bleeding through the open door,Movie scene in black and white,The snow falls down alone tonight.No one's ever felt like this before.What went wrong with you and me?This is my apology.'Cos even when I fall asleep, you stay with me,You stay with me.Stuck inside a broken frame,Watching as seasons change,Hoping time will finally set me free,Suddenly, you're standing there,A crowded street, a lonely stare,A thousand miles of traffic in between.What went wrong with you and me?This is my apology.From the moment that I leave, you stay with me,You stay with me.Every letter that you wrote stays with me,And every promise that I broke, stays with me,And everything that's left inside, stays with me,It stays with me.Close to you, so far away,A rented room, an empty space,Sirens bleeding through the open door,Movie scene in black and white,The snow falls down alone tonight.No one's ever felt like this before.

My Heart Is An Idiot....

So I was doing a favor for someone.. and it totally screwed everything up

I was helping someone out with a paper for college and they wanted me to use this dateing website and make 2 profiles exactly the same, the only difference was the pictures.... use my pic in one had just find some random gorgeous girl online... ok so i have been doing this since September mind you and i was supposed to stop come November 1st...

so whatever i'm bored i have nothing better to do why not it's not like i'm actually meeting any of these losers anyhow... cause all guys are desperate and sleazy on dating websites right?...RIGHT?!?!?!?!!?!?

WRONG!

ok so it was October 6th i got this message from this guy, he is kinda cute nothing extraordinary about his appearance but his message was great.. i usually was getting the "hey what's up".. and i'm here to tell you that no girl that is as gorgeous as the girl i used would respond to "hey what's up"...so any ways here is what he said...

 So you have really pretty eyes...almost as
pretty as mine...almost ;) anyways you
seem pretty cool/interesting and
something about you is rather alluring idk
what and that probably sounds really
weird anyways do what kind of music are
you Into? I know I like everythi-g but
country too so curious what you listen to.
You're into photography? me too I love
takibg pictures at least I wouldnt day Im a
photographer but anyways. Oh and If you
need a job I can get you one of course
youd have to move to lexington which
would be cool with me lol. Anyways sorry
Im rambling which I do sometimes
anyways write me back If you want to
peace

ok so i obviously do message him back i mean who wouldn't.... so ever since that day we  have been obsessively messaging each other back... and btw might i add that i have always thought of meeting guys online as kinda weird.. like when you get married what are you going to day "oh we met online"... anywhoo...

comes to find out the guy is AMAZING!!!! lie the PERFECT guy and not in like a i'm pretending to be perfect sorta way, like a genuine  amazing guy.. he likes music and wants a miniature pet trex, and wants to live in the 50s in Manhattan and have 3 kids, and have a vacation home on the beach, is a good cook,  likes to go o sows, and LOVES Halloween... like for real kids he is the real deal....

so like i started to notice that we were getting kinda crazy with messaging and stuff and i could tell he REALLY REALLY REALLY liked me and i REALLY REALLY REALLY liked him... and i wasn't suppost to end anythng till Nov. 1st.. BUT i HATE breaking peoples hearts cause i know how much it hurts.... sooooo

so yeah i told him about everything, told him it was for a college paper and how the only thing that i basically lied to him was the picture... anywhoo biiig mistake!!!

he was UBER pissed, like i literally riped out his heart and stomped on it.. i mean i don't blame him i have been lieing to this guy for like more than 10 days

so here is what i said...

ok soooo i really don't know how to say this because i have never had to before so idk here it goes

ok so first off i want you to know that everything i have ever said was true.. i meant everything, and everything was honest... i really really really really do LOVE talking to you A LOT.. like it's insane how much i LOVE talking to you...

second off i like you so much that this is why i'm telling you now instead of later, because i don't want you to think i'm someone i'm not...

third...ohh jeeez... this whole website thing is part of a report someone is doing for school.. it's basicly to see if i put the exact same information on 2 profiles but with diffrent pictures who gets more messages, to me it seems like a no briainer but whatever... anyways i wasn't suppost to tell anyone till the end of october when his "study" ends... which is why yesterday i said i don't want october to end, it wasn't just because i would miss october it was because i figured you would hate me after this...

so what all this means is that everything i have said to you is 100% true but the picture is 100% false i look nothing like this random girl he stol these pictures from...

and just so you know i feel really bad becaus eyou thought i was some georgous girl and was amazing and whatever and i'm not...

so if you never want to talk to me thats ok i totally understand.

i just can't go on letting you think i'm someone i'm not

and i never thought this stupid study i agreed to do would turn out this way and that i would actually have feelings for some random guy on the internet...

i hope you don't hate me and sorry if i hurt you...

and i got not one but 2 messages back....

Remember what I said about god always putting these
wonderful girls in front of me but there is always
something that ruins it......yep this is what I mean. Im
really sick of the joke always being on me. Well I
never did cry over you but this time im fairly close
thanks stef i never wouldve thpught you were this
kind of person :( well I gurss this wlll make for a good
report if nothong else

And also know It has nothing to do with your looks but
why would you lie. I know its for school but
still....anyways Im gonna go get a drink u have a lovely
night :/

so i know what your thinking, good if he is not going to like you cause your gorgeous then he doesn't deserve you, but your missing the point...he hates me because i lied to him and led him on....and i know all this seems really stupid and silly but i can't remember the last time i felt this way about a boy and i can't remember the last time i had my heartbroken... i guess i do remember when it was all 4 years of High School and you know what.. i remember saying the same thing...

My Heart is An Idiot



Any Takers??

So i always have a ton of things to tell you guys and i always forget....

It's almost Halloween! you know what that means! CHRISTMAS LISTS ARE DUE!!!
i didn't ask for anything crazy just some books and clothes....

So it's less than 6 months till my birthday and my friend who lives in Chicago wants me to come visit... who wants to go with me?? any takers???? if no one volenteers i'll assign someone!

all i want is straight hair without haveing to straighten it every day!!!! :'(

maybe going to Marquette tomorrow to get a red shirt for work.... ran errands with mom today...

i have been reading about this hair straightening treatment called Japanese Thermal Reconditioning.. and i really wanna try it... it's UBER expensive like $600 but it last for 6 months... so if you take the time, money, efforet and other stuff a month i spend on my hair it's like way worth it.... idk something to think about...

here is a video that shows how cool it is!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-M9Ro4jffb8

ooohhh internet i love you

so i recently found this website called Not Always Right, i'm sure you all have seen it i'm just usually behind, anywhoo it has conversations between customers and employees and i absolutly LOVE it!!!

Not Always Right

well recently my Grandmother very searously asks what UFO's are made of.... and where they come from.....she was completley searous...this reminded me of that ...

Me: “Do you have a reward card? Oh, shoot. Sorry! It’s just a habit to ask for it.”
Customer: “Haha, don’t worry about it, I understand.”
(There is an elderly man in line behind her.)
Elderly Man: “They’ve programmed you!”
Me: “Haha, yeah I guess they have.”
Elderly Man: *shouting alarmingly* “They’ve programmed you! You’re some sort of robot aren’t you?”
Me: *jokingly* “Yep, I’m a robot!”
Elderly Man: *totally serious* “I knew it! You filthy robot! You’re going to kill me, aren’t you? This is some kind of government conspiracy! They sent you here to kill me! Well I won’t let you!”
(He runs out of the store.)

and here are a few of my other favorites...

Teenage girl: “Do you guys sell that contraceptive abstinence?”
Me: “Abstinence?”
Teenage girl: “Yeah! Abstinence! I read that it’s the only 100% way to not get pregnant!”
Me: “That’s right. But, abstinence is to not have sex. Like abstain from.”
Teenage girl: “Well, that just sucks!”

Me: “Here’s you receipt. Are you all set?”
Customer: “I need to speak with my loan officer for a minute.”
Me: “Okay, that’s Joe. Let me check if he’s available.”
Customer: “No! Rich is my loan officer.”
Me: “No, Joe is. He talked to you last week, remember? Tall guy with a moustache?”
Customer: “Rich has been my loan officer for eight years. I want to speak with him!”
Me: “Rich died three years ago.”
Customer: *silence*
Me: “So, I’ll get Joe?’”
Customer: “Right, Joe.”

Me: “Hello. Do you need help sir?”
Customer: “Oh, I was just looking at your turtles. I have some at home and I’ve been wanting to put goldfish in with them. Can I do that?”
Me: “You can, but turtles will usually eat goldfish.”
(He looks genuinely upset at this fact.)
Customer: “Oh. Well can’t I just put a sign in the tank that says ‘Don’t Eat The Goldfish’ so the turtles will know?”
Me: “Sir, turtles can’t read.”
Customer: “They can’t?”
Me: “No.”
Customer: “Hmm. Well, that’s upsetting.”

Customer: “My computer has fruit in it!”
Me: “Like what?”
Customer: “Every time I turn my computer on, it has a fruit in it.”
Me: “You mean an apple?”
Customer: “Yeah, I guess.”
Me: “That means you have that brand of computer. Do you need anything else, ma’am?”
Customer: “Well, I don’t really like apples. Can I get a cantaloupe on it instead?”

akward....

ok so i fixed my computer...i hope... computers and computer repair are rather expensive and i have maybe $2... BUT when this computer finnaly does have it's last breath i'm getting this....

i want it so bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! uggg! i thought about putting it on my christmas list but well the greif i would be put through for wanting it would be unbariable...

christmas is fastly approching and mother reminded us that christmas lists are due soon... and sad thing is besides the macbook and Beauty and the Beast on DVD i have no clue what i want......

so i had a conversation with a friend and when i left that conversation he proceded to say I love you... and it caught me off guard cause i don't hear that often especially from a non family member, and i didn'tknow what to say... so idk it was real akward and then i thought he like loved me more than friends and if he does cool i mean i guess we could give it a shot cause he is a real nice guy and all but it was just akward... anywhoo then i read too much into it and he meant he loved me as a friend.. and yes it was a disaster.....

well now that my computer is fixed and i had an akward night i should be going to bed so i can clean my room and car tomorrow :) Nighty Night Kids:):):)

SICK!!!! OHHHHS NOOOOSSS!!!

so yes it is official..my computer is SICK.. it keeps spazing and freezing up...so it'll need fixed and idk when that'll be sooooo idk how iften i will be posting here soon so if you don't here from me for a few days don't panic, i haven't died.......LOVE YOU ALL:)

Hallelujah Thursday:)

Just cut up some peppers and onions for dinner...haveing italian sausage:) 

Nick had a game yesterday and they won:) 12-0 i think... 

went to the harwear store today tp get a couple things for dad and then went to Glen's to get the sausage and peppers...and some rude old man told me to learn how to drive... RUUUUDE!!!

and right now i'm watching Dr. Oz... he is a crazy man...

golly my eyes still sting...

got to talk to Leann today it was nice

i'm trying to find things to talk about today and i'm struggleing...

Going to the JV football game tonight...hope it doesn't rain like it did last night :/

so the dog is chewing on her wire cage, do you ever wonder what that feels like on their teeth!?!?!?!?

moar!!!!

took some more pictures today edited a few:)

:)

spending the morning with mom tomorrow... probably watching tv... i'm excited

PIKTARS!!!!

So we went out today and took some pictures...my camera was doing really STUPID stuff and wouldn't cooperate! BUT here are a few of the better ones...

I have never noticed before how blogspot screws with the picture quality on here!!!!! 

I'm going to go take more tomorrow after bible study:)

YOU BETTER READ THIS!!!!

my computer is SPAZING!!! i had to restart it 4 times to get to this point...anyways...Mom and I are starting a diet after she talks to this nutritionist she is getting sent to:) we are also looking into a Water Aerobics class:):):)

there is this child care position open in Negaunee but it's an hour away BUT it's full time and i REALLY want the job so i'm going to call them tomorrow morning :)
also a couple jobs here in Munising such as at Forest Glen store..i would like to do both jobs but i have a feeling that my schedules would conflict...but i'm gonna apply for both


so i had a billion things to tell you and i saved them on my iPod so i wouldn't forget and it died... sooo i'll have to charge it...

in greater news i lost 7 pounds and wasn't even trying:)

so i am going to be honest here i do not like the church we go to now... i'm fighting every week to stay awake and i don't feel welcome or like i fit in anywhere...so.... soon very soon i am going to be church "shopping" and i'm not jazzed about it... i miss MY church family and can't imagine replacing them... it's just weird i have shared my deepest darkest secretes with these people, i have lived with them for weeks at a time... i just can never imagine trying to find another family.... I MISS YOU GUYS!!!

:'(

i think i'm going to go take pictures tomorrow...hopefully i don't get lazy and will

new hair and new days

ok so i said i would post a picture of my new hair well i got bored and this is the best i can do

and if your wondering why i am in front of a yankeys symbol it is because i have to stay in my brothers room while my Mimi(Grandma) is staying....trust me this is not by choice!! GO RED SOX!!!!

didn't do much today got nick on the bus and went back to bed....then got up and ate some pizza and then dad ot home from his surgery then yeah...watched some tv ate dinner and here i am....

i found these really cool christian shirts for girls here are a few i want

you can get them at http://jcluforever.bigcartel.com/ most are about $16.... so not too bad

 been watching alot of Shane Dawson lately... LOVE it!!!  check him out http://www.youtube.com/user/shanedawsontv?blend=1&ob=4#p/u/123/EzPH9JxevnE he has 3 channels on youtube and all are great...
ok well going to listen to some Mindless Self Indulgence and watch some shane dawson...night kids!

monday? really?

so it's monday again... was going to marquette today for dad's dr appointment but it got cancled so i guess we'll go thursday...went and saw Baby Jaris today:):):) he is just tooo cute!!

look how much like his daddy he looks!!! haha too cute! i can't wait for this kid to get older and i can take him on fun trips:)

getting my hair cut tomorrow.... it'll be the last time for a while...i wanna grow my hair out....

getting it cut like that:)


do you ever have friend crush? you know where you wanna be someone's friend but don't know how to go about doing it or even asking....like really how do you do it? be like "hey do you wanna be friends?" that weird!!!! i just looked on facebook and i found like 4 on my news feed!!!!  omg i'm such a loser!!!!

well i'm gonna go watch Love and Basketball alone....i'll post pictures of my new hair tomorrow:):):)

make up?

i feel like making up for 3 days with no posts with 1 day with 2 posts..... btw i love that photo:):):)

so i was looking for baby suff....(idk how i stumbled upon this) any whoo i thought it was interesting

 
http://www.momlogic.com/2009/03/kim_kardashian_photoshop.php

it shows un photoshoped pictures of celebs...idk interesting

still don't have a job and i'm loosing patients FAST! i HATE haveing no money... and i HATE depending on my parents..and i HATE even more listening to my dad complain!!!!!!! i can't help it if no one is hiring and if i'm not qualified for the jobs...!!!!

 some people just idk make me so angry....they are legit irritating i cannot stand it!!! and they are ALWAYS the ones that pop up on your news feed onn facebook....but nooooooo the one's your dieing to hear from never post anything and never call you or never send you any form of communication....

i had something else to say and now i can't remember :'(  i'll probably think of it at 4am and have to write it down......

SORRY!!!

sorry i haven't posted in like 3 days.... the weekends are usually busy for me... with football and family...

so i have yet to start exercising  or  dieting.... i did well friday then saturday went to Jaris and Val's for the game and ate sloppy joes and then on the way home got pizza for nick, his friends and i... then after i ate i was like wait WTF! i am suppost to be dieting.... and today i just idk about today... no excuse...

so saw baby Jaris on saturday....he is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute!!!!!

Mom is makeing Jaris and Val marzetti tomorrow so i'll get to see him again!:)

going with dad to his dr appointment in Marquette tomorrow...he has surgery on thursday and My Mimi(Grandma) is coming to visit on wednesday:) i'm hopeing she can make me a pillow!!!

i like this print a lot:)

it is crazy that i'll be 21 in about 6 months....i can't wrap my head arround it! i'm excited to get a new licenses:):):):):)

Late night follow up...

ok so i gor a couple comments on my last blog and i read them and was like on i'll talk about it i the a.m. after i sleep and yeah well i don't want to forget what i am thinking right now so i'm gonna post it now and i'll elaborate tomorrow...

I by no means wanna be super skinny.. quite frankly i would be ecstatic with a  size 12 or 14....unlike the size 26 i wear now(and trust me i wear a 26..i know i have employees at lane bryant want to put me in a 5 instead of a 7or 6 every time i go in there and every time i have to prove to them that i am the size that i am)...

I LOVE my personality i would NEVER EVER want to change that...that what i mean by i will never change who i am...i am ok if someone doesn't like me for my personality i am not ok with someone not likeing me for how i look

ok so i stole a few of those pictures from my friend Erin.... this is me  Freshman year of High School... ok so if i would have cared enough to wear a little mascara and maybe straighten my hair and no wore frumpy clothes i was more or less gorgeous... looking back i like the way i look and it was great...however looking back i hate who i was....as Leann may remember i was a horrible friend i was pissed off at the world and basically hated everyone and everything...

and i guess i'm just tired of many things....

i am tired of not doing stuff because i know or think i can't or i'm embarrassed to do them... example everyone went to cedar point in august and i said i didn't wanna go because i don't like roller coasters, truth be known i LOVE LOVE LOVE roller coasters i just know that i can't fit into a lot of them and it would be hella embarrassing to go and not ride anything not to mention waste my money and i didn't tell anyone in youth group because no one would understand....orrrr like we went swimming a few times at Allison's house and everyone was jumping off the diving board..i only did once and thats because brandon made me and i didn't want to do it because i was embarrassed of the big splash i would make

i am also tired of paying more for clothes i don't even like...ok so i KINDA get it that to make plus size clothes you use more fabric BUT paying that much more for it is redicolous! and has anyone noticed that plus size clothes are the uglyest clothes available?? i have a pair of ugg boots that i LOVE LOVE LOVE.... however my calves are to big and they don't fit right! AND so i paid $200 for this tiffany's choker necklace and so it comes in the mail i'm all excited and i put it on and.............my neck is to fat! also so everyone is always like "OMG! i love to go shoe shopping cause shoes always fit!"...no no no shoes never fit! my feet are to fat! and my hands are fat and rings ALWAYS look gross on my fingers and i can never find women's rings that fit! or bracelets for that matter!!!

however i think what is most frustrating is something that i can never fix.... so when i do gain weight i gain a lot at once...and what happens when you gain a lot of weight at one time..well a lot of times your skin cannot keep up and you get stretch marks... so here i am stuck with gross skin for pretty much forever....FML!!!!!

ok well it's 2:30am i need some sleep....i'll post again tomorrow night and tell you about my day and what's on my mind...maybe tell a few more stories and dig out some more pictures...but for now Goodnight everyone:)

wa waaa waaaaaaaaa......

so this blog is more serious... idk i guess i just need to rant... so i posted a video on here watch it.... it's from Shane Dawson (i love Shane Dawson!) so it's kinda inappropriate so if you don't deal well with strong language or stuff like that don't watch it...anywhoo basicly the video is about learning to love yourself...

so  i was thinking about how it seems like everyone in my graduating class is either super successful or has a family or is at least married... and it makes me feel super behind...if only i was skinny i would be able to get a job, if only i was skinny i would have a boyfriend if only i was skinny i would be happy and i deserve to be happy right?!?!?!?

with that being said so i like this guy and idk i sometimes think he likes me but whatever anyways so i was talking with him the other night about when i would go see him and yadda yadda and then i got to thinking there is no flipping way i am going to go see him like this! no way no how...and idk it's understandable i'm not at attracted to fat guys so how do i expect a guy to be attracted to me (well i guess thats kinda not true it depends on the guy if i'm attracted to him)

the other night i was looking at wedding dresses and thinking about my wedding and all the details like all girls do and you know... but all the dresses are designed for skinny girls and even if they made the dress in my size  would look disgusting in it...and then today i was talking about wedding songs with my brother and he said "yeah right when are you going to get married"...

and i will never forget the day him and i were fighting and he said " you know why i never wanna do anything with you? it's because your fat"...my initial reaction was how dare you!!! but then i got to thinking about it and i can't blame him i bet all his friends make fun of him for it...

i have always said i'm never going to change for anyone if they don't like me the way i am then too bad...but seriously do i really think that? so i have been a long time fan of Shane Dawson and if you don't know anything about him he was 310 pounds in high school and since then he has lost 170 pounds... i know what your thinking "Steffanie a lot of people have lost lots of weight what makes Shane different?"and to be honest i don't know...i can't pin point it all i know is that he is inspiring

so with that i am going to make a list of goals and starting tomorrow i am going to start on them... you guys are my witnesses(to be honest i don't even know if any of you even read these)...

1. learn to love myself
2. Loose atleast 100 pounds
3. Get a Job
4. move out of my parents house
5. grow up
6. read my bible more
7. pray more
8. be happy

so those are my goals i guess i have found what this blog is really gonna be about...my goals...

if you actually read all of this and got to this point thanks for listening to my stupid banter...and if you really do read these stupid blogs please let me know so i don't feel like i'm writing to myself or become a follower you can do it over there------------------------------->(well i guess you have to scroll up a little)

and i need you guys to start asking me questions holding me accountable i can't do this alone...

HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA!!!!

I'm not the only one....

so i KNOW i am not the only adult woman that is like head over heels obsessed with Taylor Lautner... like seriously i have to say is that he is quite possibly the most beautiful man in the entire world hands down... i know i sound like some sad annoying teeny-bopper but for real guys this boy looks amazing!!!

and might i add his GQ shoot is to die for!!!

Just saying....

so when i read the books i was totally team edward but then the movies came out and i was teal jacob all the way.... and the snl skit taylor lautner was Hilarious!!!!!!!!

and he is a Michigan Fan:):):):):):):) and he is real down to earth....

ok so i had my 10 minutes of "i'm 12 and i'm in love with a celebrity" moment...