Monday, October 4, 2010

ooohhh internet i love you

so i recently found this website called Not Always Right, i'm sure you all have seen it i'm just usually behind, anywhoo it has conversations between customers and employees and i absolutly LOVE it!!!

well recently my Grandmother very searously asks what UFO's are made of.... and where they come from.....she was completley searous...this reminded me of that ...

Me: “Do you have a reward card? Oh, shoot. Sorry! It’s just a habit to ask for it.”
Customer: “Haha, don’t worry about it, I understand.”
(There is an elderly man in line behind her.)
Elderly Man: “They’ve programmed you!”
Me: “Haha, yeah I guess they have.”
Elderly Man: *shouting alarmingly* “They’ve programmed you! You’re some sort of robot aren’t you?”
Me: *jokingly* “Yep, I’m a robot!”
Elderly Man: *totally serious* “I knew it! You filthy robot! You’re going to kill me, aren’t you? This is some kind of government conspiracy! They sent you here to kill me! Well I won’t let you!”
(He runs out of the store.)

and here are a few of my other favorites...

Teenage girl: “Do you guys sell that contraceptive abstinence?”
Me: “Abstinence?”
Teenage girl: “Yeah! Abstinence! I read that it’s the only 100% way to not get pregnant!”
Me: “That’s right. But, abstinence is to not have sex. Like abstain from.”
Teenage girl: “Well, that just sucks!”

Me: “Here’s you receipt. Are you all set?”
Customer: “I need to speak with my loan officer for a minute.”
Me: “Okay, that’s Joe. Let me check if he’s available.”
Customer: “No! Rich is my loan officer.”
Me: “No, Joe is. He talked to you last week, remember? Tall guy with a moustache?”
Customer: “Rich has been my loan officer for eight years. I want to speak with him!”
Me: “Rich died three years ago.”
Customer: *silence*
Me: “So, I’ll get Joe?’”
Customer: “Right, Joe.”

Me: “Hello. Do you need help sir?”
Customer: “Oh, I was just looking at your turtles. I have some at home and I’ve been wanting to put goldfish in with them. Can I do that?”
Me: “You can, but turtles will usually eat goldfish.”
(He looks genuinely upset at this fact.)
Customer: “Oh. Well can’t I just put a sign in the tank that says ‘Don’t Eat The Goldfish’ so the turtles will know?”
Me: “Sir, turtles can’t read.”
Customer: “They can’t?”
Me: “No.”
Customer: “Hmm. Well, that’s upsetting.”

Customer: “My computer has fruit in it!”
Me: “Like what?”
Customer: “Every time I turn my computer on, it has a fruit in it.”
Me: “You mean an apple?”
Customer: “Yeah, I guess.”
Me: “That means you have that brand of computer. Do you need anything else, ma’am?”
Customer: “Well, I don’t really like apples. Can I get a cantaloupe on it instead?”

1 comment:

  1. Hahaha! Awesome ;D My favorite was the first one lol! ^_^