so this blog is more serious... idk i guess i just need to rant... so i posted a video on here watch it.... it's from Shane Dawson (i love Shane Dawson!) so it's kinda inappropriate so if you don't deal well with strong language or stuff like that don't watch it...anywhoo basicly the video is about learning to love yourself...
so i was thinking about how it seems like everyone in my graduating class is either super successful or has a family or is at least married... and it makes me feel super behind...if only i was skinny i would be able to get a job, if only i was skinny i would have a boyfriend if only i was skinny i would be happy and i deserve to be happy right?!?!?!?
with that being said so i like this guy and idk i sometimes think he likes me but whatever anyways so i was talking with him the other night about when i would go see him and yadda yadda and then i got to thinking there is no flipping way i am going to go see him like this! no way no how...and idk it's understandable i'm not at attracted to fat guys so how do i expect a guy to be attracted to me (well i guess thats kinda not true it depends on the guy if i'm attracted to him)
the other night i was looking at wedding dresses and thinking about my wedding and all the details like all girls do and you know... but all the dresses are designed for skinny girls and even if they made the dress in my size would look disgusting in it...and then today i was talking about wedding songs with my brother and he said "yeah right when are you going to get married"...
and i will never forget the day him and i were fighting and he said " you know why i never wanna do anything with you? it's because your fat"...my initial reaction was how dare you!!! but then i got to thinking about it and i can't blame him i bet all his friends make fun of him for it...
i have always said i'm never going to change for anyone if they don't like me the way i am then too bad...but seriously do i really think that? so i have been a long time fan of Shane Dawson and if you don't know anything about him he was 310 pounds in high school and since then he has lost 170 pounds... i know what your thinking "Steffanie a lot of people have lost lots of weight what makes Shane different?"and to be honest i don't know...i can't pin point it all i know is that he is inspiring
so with that i am going to make a list of goals and starting tomorrow i am going to start on them... you guys are my witnesses(to be honest i don't even know if any of you even read these)...
1. learn to love myself
2. Loose atleast 100 pounds
3. Get a Job
4. move out of my parents house
5. grow up
6. read my bible more
7. pray more
8. be happy
so those are my goals i guess i have found what this blog is really gonna be about...my goals...
if you actually read all of this and got to this point thanks for listening to my stupid banter...and if you really do read these stupid blogs please let me know so i don't feel like i'm writing to myself or become a follower you can do it over there------------------------------->(well i guess you have to scroll up a little)
and i need you guys to start asking me questions holding me accountable i can't do this alone...
Coming from someone who has been there, I can tell you from experience you need to invert your list. I have battled with my weight my entire life and only when you really let it go, will you be happy. I have clothes that are a size 6, but I wasn't happy wearing them. I was probably 10 years older than you are now when I realized it. I have been a size 12 for the last 4 years. I guess this is where my body is comfortable. It's not Hollywood's ideal of perfect, but I am healthy and happy and at peace with myself most of the time. I know now that most weight issues are hereditary to some extent. Which will be one of my first questions...why did I have to have fat thighs? But what I can also tell you is that as you get older, wiser, it does become less about how you "look" and more about who you are. I am happy to share anything I can with you that may be helpful. I love you and will keep you in prayer.
ReplyDeleteHey Steffanie! I just wanted to let you know that I have read your blogs and I like them a lot :) This one is by far my favorite though because a lot of people can relate to what you are saying and it feels like your coming from a really honest place. I can 100% agree with everything you said, but i don't think you should feel like your "behind"(and believe me I have felt that way too) because you never know if those people are really as happy as they portray. Besides, I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to be "settled down" already because I feel like there is so much I want to do first, you know? I really like you goals and that you have them, but I do agree with the above statement, you shouldn't set a huge goal right away. Just eat healthy and find a place that you are happy with yourself :)
ReplyDeleteIf you ever want to talk to someone who can relate, you can totally call/email whatever :)
xoxo Leann
thanks Debbie and Leann:)
ReplyDelete